Moving forward............

It has been a while.  After the drainage was removed, I proceeded to pull the stitches out a few days later. They were kind of ‘hanging out’ and catching on my T-shirt and let me tell you, that hurt.  Geoff had to try and access under my arm , via a T-shirt and Bra strap to ‘cut me free’. A clip for Utube really!

Since then I went back to Dr Jose Antonio. He wanted me to start a three week fasting last Friday. I want to fast, but I could not do it. It meant staying in his house for 3 weeks. Call me ‘silly’ , but I could not do it. I felt too exposed to live with someone I hardly know and the ‘living’ would involve a lot of sleeping and staying in bed. The thought was too uncomfortable for me. I am angry with myself, but how would this aid my recuperation, when I am stressed out about being there. I also read in  a couple of different books, that fasting is not a good idea, immediately after surgery.  The body is meant to recover and get stronger first. For this reason, I will wait until the summer to fast.

I had not realised how widely accepted fasting appears to be as a form or ‘treatment’. I have been driving my family mad, as I believe that they would all benefit from fasting, maybe not as long as I will do it, but for a week. At the moment it is falling on deaf ears! J In fact they are horrified at the thought of not eating for a week.

I have learned a lot from Hannah Allen’s book, ‘Fasting: fastest way to superb health and rejuvenation. ( I particularly need the second one!, if you look at the photos below. I need all the help I can get J)
I read ‘The fasting story, number 1’ a summary of health research, which is simply fascinating . A really detailed book written by Juergen Thomar ‘Rudolf Breuss, Cancer cure’ also based on fasting.

Isn’t it interesting that animals, ‘fast’ automatically when they are not well.

I will wait until Herceptin is over and I have finished my Cannabis treatment, but I think I will try to do it at home. I realise that this will be harder, as you are meant to totally ‘unplug’, but I love being at home and feel most comfortable here, so this is what I will do. I feel for Geoff, as he will have a shitty three weeks, having to eat and cook by himself, but thankfully he completely supports me.

A friend of Geoff’s in New Zealand, emailed him the other day. She is also reading me blog I believe, and she asked Geoff how he was, as I have not written much about him.
Well, I don’t want to write too much ( I will keep that for my book J), but briefly, Geoff has been to hell and back as well. Given the choice  of being an ‘onlooker’ / partner or the cancer patient, I would opt for cancer patient every time. Why? Well, I am in it, I am dealing with it, in my way, I am deciding what I want to do about my recovery. Of course every step I discuss with Geoff and the kids, but they are the ‘on lookers’, they suffer, they watch, they listen, they despair, but not many people manage to put their arms around them.  ( not because they don’t want to, but it is hard to talk about it) It is hard for them when I decide to do or don’t do something that they might not agree with. In a nutshell, it has been tough. ( understatement J) Geoff and my weekend in March, when we did not know if the cancer had spread was the worst ever. We both cried all weekend, remembering the fantastic times we had to together, looking around the house and imagining that I might not be there going forward was hell. Strangely enough, harder for Geoff not me. I am not frightened of dying, I am just pissed off at the thought of dying before my time, whatever I believe that is. Definitely not now! We have too much to do and live for. For Geoff however, the thought of me not being there, and for him to carry on, is so awful. There are better words to describe it, but I will keep it as ‘awful’ for now.

If I get my way, that will not happen of course, for a long long time. But, nevertheless strange, when faced with this being a possible reality.

Anyway for now, that morbid thought is out of my head. I have things to do. It is surreal though, when I look back over the last 12 months. A year ago, I had the mammogram scheduled for the end of May. Life has not been the same since. Sadly that shows in my face……………………… That song; ‘What a difference a day makes……….’ By Renee Olstead,  is in my head only my lyrics are slightly different………… That's life, just have to get on with it.