...........think not............ maybe

I met a lovely Radiologist yesterday, who was ready for me to start immediately. Once I presented her with my 10 questions, I soon realized that I was back on the ‘Protocol’ road. 

Initially, after my operation I was told that I needed 8 sessions of Chemo, 12 month of Herceptin followed by 4 weeks of Radiology.

I had one Chemo session and so far the first Herceptin session, so why is it ‘strongly recommended’ that I start with Radiotherapy NOW. In fact if I wait another two weeks, then it is ’ likely to not be very effective’.

When I asked why NOW, I was told because I only had one Chemo session.

But, I ask, if they have never had a patient ‘opt out’ like me, how do they know the effect and difference between starting Radiotherapy now versus when I have finished Herceptin? The answer was clear, they ‘don’t know, but are following Protocol’.

The Radiotherapy is meant to target my cancer cells and kills them.

But, if we don’t know if I have cancer cells, then how do we know where to point the beams to? Anywhere around my chest area? Where the tumor was? Do potential cancer cells stay in the same place, so if there were some around the tumor area, ( with the tumor now removed) would they have stayed in the same area? How do we know that they might not have moved onto the second breast or down to my toes? Yet, it is being suggested that only the breast where the tumor was, is scheduled to receive radiotherapy?

My questions were not really answered. I felt like this lovely lady, the radiologist, was following a script that did not answer my questions and nor did she know who to answer them.  As a result, would anyone subject themselves to radiotherapy with its known side effects, including heart issues, when at the same time I am receiving Herceptin, which also suggests a risk of heart problems. A double whammy!
As it happens I am out of breath walking from my chicken house back to the house ( which is not far!) They warned me this would happen, but it is still a weird feeling, going from 'normal fit' ( if that is possible) to pathetically slow with breathing problems. 

With all the confusion and friendly reminders, that I am 'playing with my life', I keep reminding myself:  The cancerous tumor was removed successfully, with my lymph nodes clean. On paper I am cancer free. Nobody knows. So the planned medical train of Chemo, Herceptin and Radiology is purely preventative. 

A high price to pay, (to think that I might not have any developing cancer cells in my body at the moment), knowing the damage  this Chemo / Herceptin / Radiotherapy train will cause.  Obviously anyone in a white coat, can turn this around and say a ‘high price to pay, if there are cancer cells multiplying at the moment’.

I see both sides of the argument, but again, this is my body, I feel very worried about strong x rays / beams, entering my body and the side effects I could end up with.

So for now, I have decided against Radiotherapy.

On a lighter note, on the basis of trying to simplify our life, we decided that we would part company with one of our cars, as Geoff and I don’t need three cars between us. ( with the cars and quads, I struggle to remember the insurances, services, tax payments etc)  

As I was removing all personal items from the car today, our dogs clearly knew that something was up. They jumped in and I could for the life of me not get them out by myself. I guess they knew that this was the end of ‘taking dogs to the park for a walk’ and they knew it !!!!