How it all began...........

I am sure this is the same for everyone who is diagnosed, it came as a shock. All my life I have almost been ‘anal’ about gyny check ups, ( which include breast scans and mammography when recommended). The only doctors appointments I made during the last 30 years. I have an aversion to medication, never went to the doctor  and would not even consider taking a paracetamol. I guess the next 2 years ahead, I will be making up for it.

The beginning of hell!

My gyny noticed a lump in my left breast the 31 March 2016 and recommended that I had a mammogram. I tried making an appointment and received  confirmation that they could do it the 13 May, 6 weeks later.
Unfortunately Geoff  ( my husband) and I had booked a holiday in London to see our children Rhea and Jack,  and I wasn’t going to consider cancelling that. The next appointment after that was 25 May, which is when I went.
The day of the mammogram, I had a strange feeling. I had the mammogram, then the doctor asked me to have a scan, followed by an biopsy and then another mammogram. The biopsy was definitely not on my ‘let’s do this again’ list.  Being shot at with a needle into a pretty sensitive area of your breast was not something I expected when I had breakfast only a couple of hours earlier. A lot of unscheduled tests really for a routine mammogram.
I was asked to return 4 days later to pick up the results, which I had to take to my gyny. As I waited for reception to print the invoice, I put the words that stuck out to me in Spanish into Google translate, the words ‘cancer’ came back.

Geoff and I headed straight away to my gynecologist Dr Theresa Saez, who turned out to be my mother Theresa.

From diagnosis to operation where literally 48 hours. The operation  went well, although I have got an infection under my armpit where they removed some lymph nodes. Painful and frustrating. I am wig shopping tomorrow and seeing the oncologist after having had pre chemo tests on Wednesday. Should find out when I will start.

Chemo will last 18 bloody months, every three weeks of poison being pumped into my veins. If the cancer does not kill,  the chemo is highly likely to because of the long lasting after effects. I am not referring to the normal loss of hair ( including your pubes, sickness , tiredness and brain deadness that comes with chemo) . I am one pissed of woman!

I have 3+3+2, hormone negative, fast growing etc. cancer.

People tell me to be positive and that they pray for me. I have now officially banned the words ‘positive’, ‘pray’ and ‘god’ . I don’t want to hear it. How anyone can be expected to be positive when  I am sitting here, waiting for what feels like a prison sentence at best, a death sentence more like. I feel fine, a bit tired, have been told the cancer is out, yet 5 professionals tell me that I need 18 months of chemo. 
My life as I know it has come to an end. 18 months out of my business, the business I have founded and grown into what it is today, waiting to become a bald freak, lying on the sofa, not even being able to follow the Jeremy Kyle show.  I am mad alright.

I intend to fight this enemy which has invaded me and my life, buy purely with angry aggression, it has entered the wrong body. But for being positive, that is an interesting one?